EDI Spotlight

Say My Name Right

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EDI Spotlight
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The link between names, identity, and belonging

When I was younger, I spoke to my mum about why she and my dad gave me my name. She told me:

“We wanted something easy to say and spell… so you wouldn’t spend your life explaining, and correcting people.”

There were other reasons, of course — like the famous musician my dad loved, whose middle name inspired my first name. I love it for that reason. But the other side they felt they had to consider clouds it. As I got older, I realised how significant that really is.

A Shift Between Generations

By the time my sister was born in the ’90s, something had clearly changed. My mum no longer felt she had to consider how “easy” her name was, my sister’s name was chosen because my mum liked it — and because of its meaning: ‘Destiny’ or ‘Fate’.

In contrast to me, she’s spent her life correcting people, hearing them fumble and mispronounce it. Seeing the look of unfamiliarity and puzzlement on their faces when she shares it.

I think the shift between me and my sister says something bigger about the time. In the 1980s, being visibly or audibly “other” came with real risks. Racism wasn’t subtle — it was bricks through windows, slurs in playgrounds, and teachers anglicising names without even asking. So no wonder my parents thought about my protection when choosing a name.

But by the 1990s, the tide seemed to be turning — albeit slowly, and not without struggle. There was more talk about multiculturalism. People were pushing back and showing how proud they were of their culture.

My mum believed things were starting to change — or at least hoped they were. But more importantly, she just didn’t care anymore what people thought. She wanted to challenge the idea that names had to be “easy” to be accepted. So, my sister entered the world with a name that meant something. And people have been stumbling over it ever since.

What Has Really Changed?

Fast forward to 2025. Thankfully, my sister’s negative experiences didn’t influence her when naming her son — she went with meaning: ‘Companion’.

But sadly, we may be seeing history repeat itself and not enough has changed. Her baby boy is only four months old, and already people give that puzzled look when they hear his name. And butcher the beautiful way it’s pronounced.

Not because it’s hard, not because it’s a simple honest mistake with an unfamiliar name, but because there’s a self-imposed barrier — a refusal to even try — because it’s not British enough. A microaggression dressed up as inconvenience.

Let’s be clear: it’s not that people get it wrong — it’s the unapologetic attitude and refusal to try that stings. And this manifests in so many ways:
Repeated mispronunciation, uninvited shortening, excuses, avoiding it altogether, dismissing or laughing about it.

I’ve seen practitioners talk over children’s heads about how “difficult” or unusual their name is, discuss between themselves how to say it, still getting it wrong before giving up — amused by their failure, as though the name itself is the problem, rather than their own ability to learn.

Those moments stay with children and breed negativity.

So Often, People Make Themselves Smaller…

You see it all the time. People shrink their names, change them, chop them down into something easier for others to swallow, ignore mispronunciations just to get through a day, an interview, a register.

I always remember a trainer with a traditional Asian name introducing himself and quickly providing a shorter version after mocking his ‘long name’:

“My name is…But you can just call me…”

People seemed relieved and laughed along at the joke but I wondered if this came from a lifetime of people getting it wrong — leading to that automatic offer to shrink his name.

So Why Does It Matter?

My sister described it best:

“It’s not just that they get it wrong — it’s the feeling that your name is a problem. Like you’re asking too much by expecting them to learn it… they forget it’s your actual identity.”

Young children may not be able to articulate how it feels hearing their name mispronounced repeatedly or advocate for themselves— but they notice and get the message that who they are is inconvenient, and that other people have a right to ease and comfort even if it compromises their identity.

And for the very youngest children newly experiencing this, there can be a confusion:
‘Why are they calling me that strange name that sounds a little bit like my name, but isn’t really me?’

A child’s name being said properly, respected, and known isn’t a “nice to have” It’s essential.
It tells them: You are known. You are valued. You belong here.

Let’s Talk About Racism

Let’s be real, ideas about what is considered  “easy” is rooted in whiteness — in a narrow idea of what’s normal, acceptable, and worthy.

It’s easy to think mispronouncing a name is a small thing — just a moral issue.
But that “small thing” sits atop a much bigger structure.

A structure where certain names  and identities get treated as less competent, less employable, less worthy. That’s where interpersonal moments reflect institutional patterns.

And my parents knew this. They weren’t just thinking about pronunciation, they didn’t want me to be judged before people met me. They were thinking about job applications, forms. Interviews.
The way a name can land on someone’s desk — and a bias story forms before they have even entered the room.

Deeper Impact

Here’s what the research shows — the very impact my parents were trying to shield me from:

  • The Social Mobility Commission highlights that assumptions based on names are one factor driving unequal outcomes in education, employment and progression.
    (Social Mobility Commission, 2016)
  • In the UK, CVs with “ethnic” names were less likely to be shortlisted — even when qualifications were identical.
    (BBC Inside Out London, 2017)
  • The Runnymede Trust has discussed how name-based bias is not just an individual issue, but part of wider structural inequality.
    (Runnymede Trust, 2019)
  • In schools, children whose names are frequently mispronounced report feeling excluded, embarrassed, and less confident.
    (Nottingham Trent University, 2022)

We can also consider some of the most widely cited studies that come from further afield as they still speak to a shared experience across borders. For example:

  • In the U.S., “white-sounding” names like Emily and Greg received 50% more job callbacks than names like Lakisha or Jamal — equivalent to 8 extra years of experience.
    (Bertrand & Mullainathan)
  • In Australia, applicants with Anglo-sounding names received 45–57% more callbacks than those with Chinese, Middle Eastern or Indigenous-sounding names.

This isn’t just about mispronouncing names — it’s about the attitudes that underpin those mistakes. Both name discrimination and name ‘slips’ often stem from the same root: a bias in how much effort, value, or respect we extend to names that feel unfamiliar or ‘foreign.

So What Can You Do?

You won’t always get it right. But you can always show respect.

No one is expected to know every name — but we are expected to commit to learning.

  • Ask: “Can you help me say your name/your child’s name correctly?”
    That’s not awkward. That’s respectful.
  • Repeat it. Learn it. Practice. Show care, commitment, and willingness to get it right.
  • Don’t shorten someone’s name for your convenience. That’s not your choice to make. If they offer you a shorter version, take a moment to check in:
    “Is that what your friends and family call you too?” They may have shortened it out of habit — after years of being mispronounced or dismissed. Your effort could be the first time someone really tried and that will be valued.
  • Check your face. Don’t wince, joke, or act like it’s strange — even if the person is doing it themselves. They could be masking, don’t feed into this.
  • Model it for other staff, parents and children. Show what care and respect look like.
  • Ask about name meanings (using your professional judgement to decide when this is appropriate). Names often carry deep cultural, familial, or personal significance. Asking shows curiosity and invites connection.
  • If people are comfortable, invite them to share the story behind their name as part of team building or an ice breaker. It builds understanding and helps get people in the space for thinking about the importance of names and our identity.
  • Challenge your own feelings and biases. Recognise any barriers you are responsible for. Just because a name is unfamiliar to you that doesn’t make it difficult, it just means you haven’t learned it yet. If saying a name makes you uncomfortable — it’s probably a good moment to ask why. Why does something “unfamiliar” feel wrong?

Final Word

Getting someone’s name right isn’t a bonus. It’s basic respect and inclusion. It tells them:
You matter. I see you. You belong. And that is what we all need and deserve.

References

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