I first encountered the term unconscious bias a few years ago when it became widely discussed in the media amid heightened conversations about race. I remember the relief I felt upon discovering a name and an explanation for that feeling I had experienced personally and professionally so many times over so many years. The subtle but uncomfortable sense that my skin colour was influencing how I was perceived or treated. You couldn’t call it outright racism; no one was hurling slurs or blatantly excluding me. Yet, something was there-an unspoken shift in tone, a hesitation, a missed opportunity, an oversight.                                                                                                                                                    Despite my initial relief of naming it, the challenges of that feeling remained.

Second-Guessing the Experience

Each time it happened, my thoughts spiralled. Am I imagining it? Is it really racial bias, or is it something else about me? I questioned whether my personality played a role. My introverted nature can be perceived as awkward at times, could that be the reason? Maybe it had nothing to do with race. After all, as well as being different races we also bring different traits, styles, and ways of communicating into interactions which connect or disconnect us as people, so maybe that’s it.

But what about the times when personality clearly wasn’t a factor?

Like the conference where they forgot to announce my name as a workshop co-deliverer despite me having the same role as my white colleague. An innocent mistake, perhaps? But then there’s after the workshop when we were both thanked for our contribution. Except my thank you was different. Less enthusiastic. Less assured. Lacking something…

They didn’t know us well enough to form real opinions about our personalities. But they do say first impressions take only seconds to form so maybe I just didn’t make those seconds count? Or maybe, because my colleagues made the initial contact, there was a stronger affiliation? Maybe it had nothing to do with the fact that my colleague also happened to share the same physical characteristics as the conference leader and 99% of the people in that room.

And so, the cycle of questioning continues…

Then there are the smaller, everyday interactions. Like when I walk into a venue my colleagues and I regularly use, and the reception staff always seem to remember why they are there and usher them in smiling but stop me every time to confirm my name and role. They aren’t rude, not aggressive, just a bit different. Less warm. Less patient. Almost as if they’re anticipating something different from me.

These moments aren’t always huge. But they accumulate, becoming part of an ongoing internal dialogue that never fully quietens.

The Toll of Unconscious Bias

I don’t question my experiences because I’m in denial about how much further the sector and society in general has to come or because I’m unsure of my judgment. I question because it’s important to me that I am as fair in judging people’s actions as I would like people to be when judging me. I consider calling someone prejudiced a serious label, one that should only be applied when truly deserved so I take time to really think about it.

Starting the conversation about it with people when you suspect bias often only adds another layer of complexity. They have to be in the right frame of mind to be open to the possibility. As it’s unintended people can become confused and even defensive about what they meant versus what actually happened. This leaves unconscious bias existing in the murky space between intention and impact, making it hard to confirm and even harder to address. It lingers in your mind, forcing you to wrestle with possibilities you may never resolve.

Was it bias? Was it me?

The absence of clear answers doesn’t make that feeling any less real.

Understanding Bias Isn’t Enough

Unconscious bias affects everyone, but some of us feel its weight more often, especially where it comes to racial bias. When I meet new people in white-dominated spaces, I often wonder if my skin colour will shape first impressions of me and my connections with others.

These thoughts are not baseless. Bias is shaped by our experiences or the absence of them. According to the Department for Education 2024 statistics, around 80% of the early years workforce in England identified as White British (Childcare and Early Years Provider Survey, 2024). My personal experience, for the demographic I work in that percentage is likely to be even higher.

That lack of diversity can contribute to an increased likelihood of unconscious bias creeping in and influencing the way people interact with me and in the wider context minoritised children, families and professionals. particularly if diversity is lacking in both the personal and professional lives of those who are overrepresented in the sector.

Some argue, but everyone worries about making good impressions. That may be true. But not everyone worries about whether their race will be the deciding factor. Understanding this difference is key.

Despite its limitations, naming and exploring unconscious bias has value. It gives us language for experiences that might otherwise be dismissed or ignored. For those willing to engage, it allows for conversation, reflection, and, hopefully, action.

But for those of us on the receiving end, it’s not just an abstract concept, it’s a lived experience. It plays out in the background of our lives, shaping interactions, opportunities, and perceptions in ways that are hard to articulate.

So, whether people deny it or confront it, that feeling persists.

The intention of sharing these experiences is not to evoke guilt, sympathy, or shame. but to provide some insight and encourage reflection about why unconscious bias matters and how each individual action contributes to the bigger picture.

For Those Who Know That Feeling

We have to learn to be comfortable with not always being able to prove it. We may never have definitive evidence for every instance of unconscious bias we encounter, but that doesn’t mean we imagined it. We can still trust ourselves.

This isn’t about assigning blame, it’s about making sense of our experiences and trusting our intuition.

To help with this, we can consider:

• Have I noticed patterns in how I am treated compared to others?
• Are there moments when I’ve felt unseen or undervalued?
• Have I doubted myself even when my instincts told me I was right?
• If I witnessed someone else experiencing what I have, what would I think?
• Who do I feel safe discussing these feelings with?
• How can I validate my own experiences, even if others don’t?

For Those Who Want to Be Better Allies

If you’ve never had to question whether bias shaped an interaction, that’s a privilege. And if you want to be part of the solution, awareness is the first step but not the last.

• Pay attention to the subtle ways bias might show up in your actions or assumptions and keep challenging yourself to do better.
• If someone shares their experience, listen without dismissing or downplaying it.
• Reflect on whose voices are amplified in the spaces you occupy and whose are overlooked. Actively seek to get those voices heard.
• Challenge bias when you observe it, even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Acknowledge that personal biases influence your work. Don’t be tempted to believe they can be separated.

Unconscious bias thrives in silence. The more we acknowledge it, the harder it becomes to justify.

So, What Do We Do with ‘That Feeling’?

We sit with it. We acknowledge it. We trust it. Something doesn’t have to be proven to be real.

External validation isn’t always forthcoming. But that doesn’t mean we should stop talking about it. Whether through quiet reflection, open conversations, or simply refusing to second-guess ourselves, acknowledging it is an act of self-preservation.

Because even if we can’t prove it we feel it.

And that’s enough.